Kay with her brother, Glenn.

Yippee! Football season is here. I live for this all year. (Insert your own “get a life” joke here.) From the start of the draft, I’m all in. Once the season finally starts, I’m glued to the TV watching as many games as my retinas will allow.
Even with my dedication to football, I still have to chuckle at some of the inane things about it. For example, we must endure watching quarterbacks continuously licking their fingers, like they’re thumbing through a magazine at the doctor’s office. Seems unsanitary to me.
Some players think they’re the cheerleaders, waving their arms around to get the crowd going. Stay in your lane. How would you like it if the cheerleaders came out on the field and tried to do YOUR job! Then they thrust their arms into the air, making the Touchdown motion when they think their team is in the end zone. You’re not the referee! What’s next? Are you going to jump up in the stands and sell hot dogs?
Speaking of cheerleaders, have you ever noticed that their facial expressions never change? Their team scores? Big smile. Their quarterback gets sacked? Smile even bigger with their gums showing. Make it make sense.
It’s getting harder and harder to make tackles. It’s like the intended target just slips right out of their hands. I wonder if the uniforms might be made of satin. Maybe they should make it easier to tackle by making the uniforms from suede. Or maybe Velcro.
Coaches cover their mouths when issuing plays. What do they think is going to happen? A lip reader from the other team is going to radio it down to the opposing coach who is going to shout out the play to THEIR team?
Coaches are allowed to issue a challenge if they think the Ref made a bad call on their team. You never hear them issue a challenge on themselves. For example, you never hear, “Ref, I’m pretty sure my guy roughed their passer. You better take another look at that one.” Football is all about seeing what you can get away with, like an overgrown kindergarten class.
The linemen are particularly large humans and have to actually keep their weight UP, unlike most athletes who must keep their weight down. I told a girlfriend of mine that they have to constantly eat piles of food and have weigh-ins to ensure they are not losing weight. She thought about that for a minute and said, “I want to be a lineman.”
I do admit that it’s a rough sport. I don’t know how these players do it; they take hit after hit. A lady once bumped into me with her shopping cart, and I was in bed for a week.
Despite all its quirks, I still love football. I have friends that don’t understand this odd obsession, but I have multitudes for company. And I won’t stop smiling until the season ends. Hey! Maybe I could be a cheerleader!